If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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