Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
