I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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