WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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