So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
