She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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