woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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