I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
