Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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