Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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