uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
