After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
