Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I yelled at your uterus for you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
