I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
