Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
