the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
