An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
