Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
