Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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