based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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