We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
