i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
