Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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