Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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