my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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