One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
