I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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