people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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