How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize