who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
