Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
