Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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