part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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