The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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