Your face is a jimmy john
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
