is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
