I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
