you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
