This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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