last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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