I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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