i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
