If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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