I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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