I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
