well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
