I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize