i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
