I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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