I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
