I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
