that's an acceptable place to lick
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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