Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
