I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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