The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
