worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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