Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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