So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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