I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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