You're so nebulous sometimes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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