So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
