naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
