this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize