Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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