Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
