Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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