Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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