i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
