RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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