i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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