i think my mom watched the whole time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
