don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
