you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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