Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just googled if crying burns calories
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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