Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize