do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
