i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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