Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is Oprah even human
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
