I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize