I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
