her vagine was all disorganized.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
