dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize