a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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