Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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