Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
