masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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