he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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