two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
