Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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