Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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