Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
