I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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