I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Jerry, you need to find god
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
