Don't make out with my wife yet
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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