those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
