Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
