when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
