Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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