Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Randomize
