There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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