You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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